It’s a tale as old as time: Boy meets boy, Boy takes boy out on a lovely date, Boy starts choking the other boy. Wait, what? Sexual fetishes are well and good – but sometimes they can be intimidating or even dangerous.

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That’s what happened to this guy on Reddit, who went on a date with a man he’s been talking to for a month. It started out great – and then things got complicated.

“I absolutely loved our time, and at the end we were making out a bit in his car when he asked me if he could choke me.

I told him he could try but I really got scared and told him I couldn’t handle it. I feel kind of bad about it honestly, and I’m wondering what to do.

I mean, he got really aggressive when we were getting into it, and that scares me a bit? He’s normally very sweet, so this kind of took me by surprise. Any advice?”

The other Redditors were quick to comment “It’s all fun and games until someone dies”, as there’s obvious risk with choking and breathing games.

One commenter in particular had some good advice regarding BDSM in general:

“Identify the emotions you felt during that moment. You say you were scared. Why?

Scared of pain? Scared of being injured? Scared of being categorized (submissive, slut, etc.)? Scared of giving up control? Scared of his not respecting your limits?

Realize that your integrity comes first; you should never feel bad for turning someone down. On the other hand, fears aren’t always rational.

Most who practice BDSM couldn’t fathom wanting to injure their partner, for example. Ask yourself to which degree you trust that man, and how much control over your body and psyche you are willing to abdicate.”

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