Men (and women) cheat on their significant others for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it marks the end of a relationship, and sometimes it’s just a step towards a stronger one. So why do gay men cheat, exactly?
These men on Reddit were asked to give the reasons as to why they cheated on their boyfriends/husbands. So they opened up.
1. Two Of A Kind
“My man and I have always had a very good very active sex life. However, about 5 years in he traveled overseas for work for several months at a time.
I got lonely and horny and got on Grindr. After that, I found I like a little variety.
Turns out he was doing the same thing starting at about the same time. Once we started to openly talk about things we decided to start playing together.
We talked about doing fully open but we’re both too jealous to deal with the thought of the other out doing things on his own. We’re both very happy with the way things are now.”
2. The Test
“I was curious if I could feel about someone else the way I felt about the man I knew I was slowly falling in love with. It was the first time I had feelings like that. Maybe it was a form of self-sabotage.
I confessed the next morning to going on the date. I think my action shattered a baseline of trust on boyfriend’s end. He was quite conservative, valued monogamy, and still in the process of coming out. At the same time, for me, the experience cemented how much I care for him and that I was willing to commit.
Ultimately, he broke up with me a year and some months later, because he wanted to sleep with other dudes, experience gay life, and didn’t feel ready to commit further. Irony.”
3. A Means To An End
“My first relationship was very controlling. He was a great guy at first, but after the first year he became very possessive. He started the whole “I’ve never liked bottoming, so now i’m a top and oral receiving only.”
So we were like that for about another 2 years. Then he lost his job and we went from having sex every other day to once every other week.
I attempted multiple times to end the relationship and tell him I wasn’t satisfied, but he wouldn’t let go. So finally I cheated on him to make him let go of me and he did.
I’ve been with my current partner for 3 years and have no plans on cheating on him, so I think every situation is different.”
4. You And Me Both
I was dating this guy for about a month and we had the exclusive talk and I took it as him saying he wanted us to be exclusive (turns out he was wanting me to be exclusive).
I found out he went on a date with a guy that he’d been texting. He said nothing happened on the date.
I was at a gay friends house when I found out. My friend and I decided to get drunk. I decided I wanted to fuck him, he liked the sound of that. We went at it all night and the next morning.
A week later the guy I was dating tried ghosting me but failed because he felt guilty. I told him if he wanted to break up he had to say it or I was going to break up with him (god I was dumb). He told me that we clicked too fast and flamed out early (I would definitely agree with this assessment).
5. Learned My Lesson
“About two years after I came out I had my first real boyfriend. Had no idea what it really meant and what ‘normal’ expectations were.
Got really drunk with this other guy and did him (not anal). It really hurt my boyfriend and I totally regret it.
I’ve since very much matured and learned to have conversations about sexual monogamy which isn’t always automatically the default when dating someone. I put it down to being young, stupid and not knowing any better (came out at 22).”
6. An Ongoing Affair
“I cheated on the first guy I’d ever been with. I was in a foreign country and had never been in a relationship with a guy, so we rushed into one at his request.
One day, I met up with a guy I connected with on tinder a while back. He didn’t know I was in a relationship, but he knew I was only looking for a friend, so we had lunch together.
The first time we met, we both fell head over heels for each other. We planned to go to the gym and then get dinner one night.
The next day, I told my boyfriend at the time that I had feelings for another guy. We only had about a month left until we planned to break up. He went crazy, basically said that I either stay with him until we break up the next month or I break up with him now and we never speak again.
Being my first experience with a guy in this sort of context, I was too worried to break up and risk losing a friendship. Even though I told him I wanted to break up, we didn’t do it. I didn’t have the courage to just rip the band-aid off and risk him totally ghosting me.
When I met up with the other guy, we went to the gym, then out for dinner. I told him I liked him, but I had a boyfriend who I didn’t want to be with. We didn’t realise, but my boyfriend and this guy had a mutual friend.
My boyfriend managed to get his number and call this guy during dinner. I took the phone from him, told him to fuck off and then blocked all his calls. This guy came back to my place that night, we cuddled to sleep, woke up making out the next morning and then we jerked each other off.
I stayed in a “relationship” with my boyfriend and saw this other guy on the side. He constantly accused me of cheating. I just ignored him, and I think he lied to himself that I was faithful so he wouldn’t feel hurt.
I tried to end it multiple times, but every time he’d threaten to cut me off entirely and tell all his friend that I was a horrible person. I don’t know why, but this mattered to me at the time.
A year later, and I realise all that worry was for nothing. I basically ghosted him because he kept messaging me, begging for attention and it was tiring. “