“I’m a 22-year-old straight guy and have never found men attractive before this guy came along”, he writes. “I’ve had girlfriends and love women which is why this is so confusing for me.”
A few months ago I moved to South Africa. I made many friends very easily and even dated a girl. That didn’t last very long and I think I latched onto her because I didn’t want to feel alone in a new country. Anyway, among my new friends is this guy, let’s call him Pyro. Pyro is very friendly and goes to my college.
He and I bonded pretty quickly. We hang out most days after college, grab a few drinks and study together sometimes. I need to put this out there, I’ve never met anyone as intriguing as him before. Now I can’t stop thinking about him, and this is very hard for me to deal with because I’m Christian.
But I keep thinking of him kissing me and now I’m having sexual thoughts too. It’s getting very hard to be around him. I keep wondering if should just stop hanging out with him.
He is straight, but obviously open-minded. We’ve landed on the topic of homosexuality before and he seemed very accepting. But I’m afraid I will put him off if I mention anything too weird.
This dude just lives in his own world and whenever I hang out with him, I just feel care-free and so invincible. Now I think about his every move. What he’s doing and if he’s thinking about me too. I’ve never felt this way about another guy before. He has a great body too, keeps in shape like I do. We’re so different, but I feel like he can relate to what I tell him in ways other people can’t.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m crazy about this guy. I just want to be with him, if I can’t be with him as… his boyfriend. That sounds so weird to type out but I honestly think I want to be his boyfriend. But if that can’t happen, I still just want to be in his world. This guy is just so different, makes me laugh at everything and I keep wishing I had met him sooner.
Sounds kind of obvious, for those who are used to situations like this. But the guy isn’t.
I’m so confused and desperate. How do I even let him know how I feel? Should I? Will this pass? I’ve known him for 9 months now and this hasn’t gone away, it just keeps growing. Am I gay? Am I bi? What’s wrong with me?