Some say top and bottom roles are just a casual sexual preference, while others take it a lot more seriously. For one guy on Reddit, who was the bottom in the relationship for 3 years – wanting to top has led to a very messy breakup.

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couple in bed angry - because I wanted to top

“I was with my dude for close to 3 years”, he writes. “When we started dating I told him that I’m versatile, but usually prefer to bottom. He said ‘OK cool’. We began dating, and our sex life fell into comfortable norms. And yes, I was happy with that.”

And that’s when things got complicated.

After a while I began to get the urge to top. Our relationship was so good, and I was feeling really solid about us, and I honestly wanted to deepen our connection. The idea of topping him once in a while, or maybe just even once, sounded amazing.

So, I brought it up, and he was very surprised. He was confused, asked many questions and just didn’t get why I wanted that all of a sudden. I said that I just want to try one time, that I wanted it to be good for both of us.

It became this huge fight, and my guy – who has never cried, not even when he lost his father – started crying and saying he couldn’t believe I was considering leaving him because of something so stupid. This is how much of a big deal it became in the relationship.

Finally, in order to save the relationship, he agreed (my mistake for even agreeing to it when he was so negative about it, but I figured after we’d do it he’d realize how silly he was being about the whole thing. BIG MISTAKE.)

It was a disaster, from start to finish. From the foreplay, during which he barely kissed me and wouldn’t look at me. To the act itself, which was uncomfortable and miserable for both of us, lasted a couple of minutes and basically killed our entire relationship.

We didn’t finish because we basically started fighting, and he ended up sleeping on the couch. After this our communication died. He just stopped coming home, would be out with friends for hours, wouldn’t call or text to let me know. He’d come home sloshed, and wouldn’t talk to me.

He became angry and disrespectful. And we stopped having sex completely. We broke up a year ago, and to be honest it still sucks. I’ve been focusing on work, but I haven’t dated anyone seriously since. I miss him, but there’s still a lot of resentment.

I wish it would have worked out, and still don’t understand why it didn’t.