If you look at porn (or Grindr), it might seem as if anal sex (either as a top or a bottom) is the be all and end all of gay relationships. But some people, like this guy on Reddit, are just not into anal. Do they stand a chance at finding (and holding) a relationship?
“I’ve been seeing this great guy for the past month who I’ve really been falling for”, he writes, “but he ended things earlier today due to a lack of sexual chemistry.”
And he explains further:
I have an extremely high libido. I’m definitely NOT asexual, I’m extremely kinky and very experienced in BDSM. I love romance and dates and I have the typical fantasy of the husband and the white picket fence in the future, and I also love foreplay and fetish/kink.
I certainly have no problem making out with guys, helping them explore their fantasies, and I’m extremely open to pretty much anything sexually… except for anal.
I don’t know what it is about it, but it’s just an automatic turn-off for me. I’ve tried topping before and I always lose my erection almost immediately. I can keep an erection just fine doing practically anything else.
I’ve also tried bottoming before and I just can’t enjoy it. In fact, I actively DON’T enjoy it. I can’t bottom for longer than a few minutes before asking my partner to please stop.
I’ve read and done everything I could to try to enjoy it. Bought myself a small toy to start off with, which I hate using. Lots of lube, poppers, relaxing, alcohol, weed, breathing, adjusting into different positions… nothing has made it enjoyable. I simply don’t like bottoming.
I hate feeling like a selfish lover. I can spend hours giving oral and HJ’s and all sorts of stuff like that, but after a few years of struggling with this issue I really want to be able to just say, “I don’t want to have anal”.
However, saying that just cost me this great relationship. I don’t blame him, if he feels like he needs to be able to top in the bedroom to be sexually satisfied in his relationship, he is at a total liberty to have that as a dealbreaker.
Honestly, from a bunch of gay dudes to another, what are my chances of finding a successful sexual relationship that lacks anal sex/play?
I feel like I’m the only guy in the world that way. Should I just grit my teeth and start putting out and hope that I loosen up?