If you look at porn (or Grindr), it might seem as if anal sex (either as a top or a bottom) is the be all and end all of gay relationships. But some people, like this guy on Reddit, are just not into anal. Do they stand a chance at finding (and holding) a relationship?

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Shirtless sexy man in bed

“I’ve been seeing this great guy for the past month who I’ve really been falling for”, he writes, “but he ended things earlier today due to a lack of sexual chemistry.”

And he explains further:

I have an extremely high libido. I’m definitely NOT asexual, I’m extremely kinky and very experienced in BDSM. I love romance and dates and I have the typical fantasy of the husband and the white picket fence in the future, and I also love foreplay and fetish/kink.

I certainly have no problem making out with guys, helping them explore their fantasies, and I’m extremely open to pretty much anything sexually… except for anal.

I don’t know what it is about it, but it’s just an automatic turn-off for me. I’ve tried topping before and I always lose my erection almost immediately. I can keep an erection just fine doing practically anything else.

I’ve also tried bottoming before and I just can’t enjoy it. In fact, I actively DON’T enjoy it. I can’t bottom for longer than a few minutes before asking my partner to please stop.

I’ve read and done everything I could to try to enjoy it. Bought myself a small toy to start off with, which I hate using. Lots of lube, poppers, relaxing, alcohol, weed, breathing, adjusting into different positions… nothing has made it enjoyable. I simply don’t like bottoming.

I hate feeling like a selfish lover. I can spend hours giving oral and HJ’s and all sorts of stuff like that, but after a few years of struggling with this issue I really want to be able to just say, “I don’t want to have anal”.

However, saying that just cost me this great relationship. I don’t blame him, if he feels like he needs to be able to top in the bedroom to be sexually satisfied in his relationship, he is at a total liberty to have that as a dealbreaker.

Honestly, from a bunch of gay dudes to another, what are my chances of finding a successful sexual relationship that lacks anal sex/play?

I feel like I’m the only guy in the world that way. Should I just grit my teeth and start putting out and hope that I loosen up?