Parents sometimes have a hard time when they find out their son is gay. But sometimes, they do exactly what parents need to do – they care, and ask questions, and simply worry about their son’s health and well-being.

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That’s the case with this father, who came to Reddit for advice after finding out his gay son had bought… dildos.

Man opening a box

“My son is 17 years old and gay”, he writes. “There’s no problem with that, he came out when he was 13, and his mother and I just want him to have happy, healthy relationships with whoever he loves.”


“We’ve recently discovered that he’s purchased dildos off Amazon. Large dildos. Very large dildos. I’d say 16 inches long and the girth of soda can.

He’s not the most careful or cleanest boy and I’m worried about him injuring himself. I’m not sure how to bring this up or what advice to offer, as this is a bit outside of my wheelhouse.

He has never had a boyfriend and I’m fairly certain he’s never been intimate with anyone. He’s pretty shy and we live in a fairly conservative suburb, so I believe his only experience with penetration is from toys.

What should I be worried about? Can he hurt himself? How should he be cleaning these? What are the dangers here?”

The Reddit commenters were very helpful with advice and tips, such as:

While there are people who use dildos of that size on the regular, it’s definitely not a starter toy. Hopefully, he has, uhm worked up to it… otherwise, yes there is always a risk of internal injury if you’re not careful. Plenty of lube, warming up, etc…

As far as cleaning, as long as they are cleaned with warm soapy water immediately after use, you’re usually OK.

One can also use a mild disinfectant, but use caution because some materials are more sensitive than others and can be damaged. Make sure to never use a broken or damaged dildo. And don’t use silicone lube on silicone toys

The father was impressed with the warm welcome and helpful tips – and managed to come to a conclusion:

Given his age and relative inexperience his mother and I have decided to sit down and talk to him about it, present our concerns, make sure he knows the importance of proper hygiene and cleanliness and leave it at that.