Bullies can be an awful thing in high-school, and kids get bullied for all sorts of reasons. But what do you do when you’re grown up, and those bullies still occupy your thoughts? That’s what happened to one guy on Reddit, who came to seek support on the “Confession” forum.
“It’s been 5 years since I graduated High-school”, he writes. “I used to go to this really shitty school during Grade 9-11. The bullying got so bad that I had to switch schools”
And he explains:
I was a skinny, short kid. I was bullied mercilessly in gym class. There were days where I cried my eyes out.
The people that bullied me were twice my size. I didn’t stand a fucking chance in a fight. I was a coward. The worst part about the bullying was that sometimes I came home so angry that I took out my frustrations on my parents.
But Grade 12 was a good year though. I moved to a new high-school and actually had a friends group. I started taking martial arts and it changed my life (If it weren’t for martial arts, I would’ve committed suicide).
Now that I’m in University, the problem I’m having is that I see my high-school bullies there. We’re in the same major so there’s a chance I’ll have them in my class. I think that’s what started these thoughts of revenge.
Ever since I saw them at my Uni, I’ve been having revenge fantasies about them to the point where I can’t concentrate on my studies. This has become so unhealthy for me because every day I’m thinking about getting them back for what they did to me.
My BIGGEST fear is “what if I get bullied again.” What if they start treating me as if I’m the same person I was in high-school. I’ve had past encounters where post-high-school, my high-school bullies would bring up all the times I got bullied and laugh about it.
I told myself I would never let this happen to me ever again. The next person that tries to treat me like I’m the same damn kid from high-school, I told myself that I’d instantly throw the first punch and not stop until he bleeds.
I’ve seen a psychiatrist and he was no help. He told me to forgive them, but I CAN’T bring myself to do that no matter how hard I try. The reason being is because I’ve forgiven bullies in the past, and they repaid me by bullying me AGAIN. So, forgiveness is not an option.
Is there something wrong with me? Why do I keep having these thoughts? I’ve tried EVERYTHING to get these thoughts out of my head.