Sex toys can be a lot of fun… until something goes wrong. If you don’t know what you’re doing – be careful!
“Due to improper planning”, the guy writes, “I ran out of personal lubricant so I took a visit to my roommate’s drawer to see if he had some. He did, as well as some other things. One of those things was what I can only describe as a triple cock-ring.”
He thought it would fit. Why? Because “For context, my roommate is a 6’2 black guy and I’m a 5’10 ginger. Naturally, I assumed that, if anything, this device would be too big for me. I was woefully wrong.”
Be careful with racial profiling and assumptions! So that’s where things got… stuck.
“I was in the mood so I didn’t think through the possible consequences of placing my most precious parts in this stainless steel death trap.
Almost immediately after wriggling my naughty bits into this thing, I realized my horrible mistake.
Within 30 seconds, my twig and berries transformed into a grotesque set of eggplant and plums. As with any bad situation, I figured my best way out was to power through. I took the aforementioned lube and went to town.
After what felt like a lifetime, I began to approach climax. For my trouble, I was hoping for an intensely pleasurable orgasm. Again, I was wrong.
Instead of a powerful release, I was met with an intense pain in my perineum and nothing came out. This thing was so tight that there was NO ejaculate. I freaked out.
I figured once I got this nonsense torture device off my situation, things would resolve themselves but again, I was wrong.
The caricature emoji that was my junk, remained fully engorged. I continued to freak out. I didn’t want to go to the ER and have some firefighter saw this horrifying mistake off my adult parts, so I did the next logical thing.
I filled a bowl with ice and water, dunked my bits and hoped for salvation. After 15 minutes, the swelling subsided to the point that I could manipulate the affected area out of the contraption.
After another 20 minutes of icing my genitals, I went to relieve myself and proceeded to pass, what I assumed to be, a frothy mixture of man milk and urine.”