Anal sex can be a lot of fun – but it can also be tricky, especially when you’re new to the business. The men of Reddit (some tops, some experienced bottoms) were willing to share some of their best tips, for a fun experience.

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It all started with a guy who asked for some advice: “I could use your help because I’m girthier than average, and this bottom is new, so I need to bring my A game. When you’re hooking up with a bottom that’s inexperienced, what coaching do you provide before and during?”

And the men rose to the challenge:

1. Take your time

Sad man in the shower

It shouldn’t be something you rush if it’s new to him. He might want to shower first or use the bathroom. If he’s not sure about cleaning or isn’t confident getting straight to business, then it’s okay to do something else instead and think about it another time. Not every day is a great day to have anal sex.

2. Preparation

Men having sex with condom

Some things can spoil the moment. Good things to have on hand are alcohol-free wipes (for lube fingers and clean up), condoms, lube, a spare sheet to put over the bed afterwards.

3. Communication is key

Gay couple in bed

Listen to him if he says it hurts, even all of a sudden. Even then, don’t suddenly pull out as that can be as bad as going right in!

Most of the issues with an inexperienced bottom are in his head. He may not have learned how to allow his muscles to relax, and the pain is largely self-inflicted. It can sometimes help just to talk about this explicitly. If he’s fearful or nervous, that will make it that much more difficult.

4. Warm Up and Relax

Two men in bed

Every guy is a little different when it comes to what they need to relax. Talking again is good. Asking what they like when they touch themselves can be helpful.

You can ask if they want to start the proceedings while you watch. Some guys relax faster when they’re really turned on. You don’t have to go straight for the prize.

Kissing and putting your hands on his ass is good, if you’ve got the okay from him you can tease him a bit. Some guys get more nervous in certain positions so find something you’re both comfortable with.

5. Position is key

Happy gay couple in bed

if you get to a point where he’s comfortable with moving on to bigger and better things, he might want a certain position to start with.

If that’s on top, it’s probably easier for him to have your shoulders to hang on to. You can sit up against the headboard. Spooning is good too.

You can have him on his side with one or both legs pulled up and you can put his hand back on your hip so he can pull you forward at his pace. Or you can use any position really, but make sure he’s able to talk to you.

6. Fast?

Two men kissing in bed

“This one I made up and haven’t seen anywhere but it helps: I Tell the bottom guy that I plan to go in aggressively, since overly slowly can add to any performance anxiety things that might happen, and that if anything is uncomfortable at all, say so immediately and I WILL stop. This is what works when most other things don’t.”

7. Slow?

Sad man in bed

Slow and steady wins the race. Let him start on top. It’s easier as a bottom to control the rate of penetration and take it at your own time. Let him control the situation!

And most importantly – don’t forget to have fun!