It’s sad to see that in this day and age, some people still struggle so much with their sexuality, be it gay, straight or something in between.
A Christian man on Reddit posted a lengthy confession, claiming that God and Jesus helped him become an “ex-gay”, and he now fully intends to date women and get married – even though he says there’s “no need” for him be attracted to them.
“I was raised in a Christian family”, he writes. “I was never abused or neglected and I had (and still have) an amazing family support system.”
His “issues” started in high school:
During high school, because I didn’t feel as ‘manly’ as other guys my age, after a long process of struggle and confusion, I thought that I was gay.
I was attracted to guys I wanted to look like. I never physically acted out on my attractions, but I indulged in many fantasies. I never told a soul about these feelings because I was afraid of their reaction. I seriously doubt my parents would have kicked me out or something, because they really care about me. But I was mainly afraid of my reputation at my local church, since I volunteered there a lot.
As I was finishing up college and starting my graduate degree, God led me on a journey where He showed me that I didn’t have to be some certain way to ‘be a man’. I didn’t have to be a stereotypical male and like stereotypical things ‘the other guys liked’.
He showed me that it’s fine for me to be sensitive and to cry easier than other guys. He taught me to care about other people’s feelings.
Most importantly, He showed me that I don’t have to be obsessed with a girl’s physical looks in order to ‘be a man’, because I’ve never really been attracted to the way a girl looks on the outside, and this confused me when I constantly heard men in the church joking about this sort of thing. But God showed me that I don’t have to be this way to be a complete man.
I have some physical attraction to women, just not in the stereotypical sense. I think we need to stop believing the lie that we have to be totally turned on by someone’s physical appearance in order to fall in love with them
God has taken away my same-sex attractions, so I’m ‘not gay’ now. But I didn’t just ‘become straight’, I found my identity in Christ. I fully intend to date but only the woman I am going to marry. I know that God has a future wife for me in His timing.
I never went through conversion therapy; I think this is a very dangerous practice that needs to be stopped. My journey isn’t about going from ‘gay to straight’, it’s about becoming my full self, becoming who God intended me to be from the start.
Some of the commenters in Reddit, were quick to point out some of the problems with his new-found path:
- Ex-homosexuals do not exist… Hiding or masking your feelings for men does not make you not-gay. Using god or spiritualism as an avenue of “change you wish to see in yourself” is super unhealthy and will cause the burden to become heavier. You’re trying to be what you’re not and smothering what you are. There is no “ex” anything.
- I feel bad for the women you’re going to date. It isn’t fair to drag them into this lie you’re telling yourself about your sexuality. Look at every other ex-gay before you. You are eventually going to stop living this lie and come out as gay.
- In college I was very active in the Baptist Student Union. We had so many effeminate Christian males. Fast forward 15 years and I have watched as all of them struggled hard with their sexuality. (Some reporting being healed from homosexuality.) Long story short, nearly all of them are now out of the closet homosexuals. A few of them tried to marry and do the “Godly” thing, but those relationships crashed hard.
- This is common for “ex-gay” folks, that it’s not really a changing of sexual orientation from gay to straight — but a diminishing of all sexual attraction in general. And although these terms are amorphous, it’s a move towards asexuality or demisexuality.