Human sexuality is diverse, and the common definitions and labels are sometimes not enough. Can you be in love with a man, but only be sexually attracted to women? And should you tell your man about it?
That’s the problem this Redditor is facing – in love with a boyfriend, but never been attracted to him – or to men in general.
“I know it may seem really weird, but it’s true. I’ve been feeling this way for as long as I can remember.”
“In case my sexuality doesn’t make sense to you, let me try and simplify it. I find guys romantically attractive and want to have a relationship with them, but I don’t find them sexually attractive and would never have sex with them.
I also find girls sexually attractive, but I never feel as though I can commit to a relationship with them. I honestly have no idea why I feel this way, I guess it’s just the way I am.
I am in a committed relationship with my boyfriend (I’ll call him Jay) and I absolutely love him to death. The only problem is that I don’t find him sexually attractive.
Every time he pleasures me, I always imagine it’s a girl doing it. I tell him that I don’t want to have sex with him because I don’t feel ready to do it yet.
In reality, I just don’t want to have sex with him entirely, or with any other guy for that matter.
I haven’t told him this because I’m afraid that he’ll take it the wrong way and I’ll end up hurting his feelings. I’ve just told him that I’m bisexual, even though I know I’m probably not technically bisexual.
One other thing that I haven’t told Jay is that I’m sexually attracted to one of our friends (I’ll call her Kate). I’ve been attracted to her since I first met her, yet neither she nor Jay knows this (at least, as far as I know).
I’ll never act upon my desires though because I don’t ever want to cheat on Jay. I love him too much.”