Sexiest Men Alive… Who Are NOT That Sexy

With David Beckham being 2015’s People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive (a decent choice), let’s look at where they got it terribly wrong.

Every year, People Magazine chooses a “Sexiest Man Alive”… and leaves me baffled. Some of them were good looking, yes, but most of them, well, who finds them hot, exactly? Is it because straight women (or male editors) have vastly different tastes than mine? To each his own, but really, it’s time to burst this bubble…

1. Mel Gibson (1985)

In 1985, he was People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive”. Now, it’s true – he was kind of good looking back then, with those big blue eyes, and our views might have been biased by his unpleasant deeds and remarks in recent years – but the bottom line is… he was never really THAT hot.

2. John F. Kennedy Jr. (1988)

The late son of JFK, he was People’s “Sexiest Man Alive”, back in 1988, at the age of 27. He wasn’t BAD looking, but I suspect it was always more about his position, prestige and money – than about his looks.

3. Sean Connery (1989)

Really? The mustache, the hairy chest, those eyebrows… He wasn’t a bear, he (obviously) wasn’t a twink, he didn’t have any muscles, what was he, exactly? Maybe it was the accent.

4. Nick Nolte (1992)

He was a big star during the 80’s and 90’s and had all the right materials – blond hair, blue eyes, an action star, and a sense of humor. Yet, the entire package wasn’t that hot. His looks were more to the tone of a straight guy who really digs cars.

5. George Clooney (1997+2006)

I never “got” Clooney. Again, he’s charismatic, and not a bad actor, and I guess straight women find him “romantic”. But come on… that’s not hot and sexy!

6. Richard Gere (1999)

I get it, grey hair CAN be sexy sometimes, on the right guy. And Gere did have a lot of charisma and star power. But hot? Really? Again, it might be a straight thing, who knows.

7. Harrison Ford (1998)

Ford was always “cool” – when he was young, when he was 54 (when picked for this), and even today. But you don’t usually go to bed with someone just because he’s cool. So, sexy? Ehm… nope.

8. Pierce Brosnan (2001)

Another Bond! Dear people of People – if Connery’s so sexy, and Brosnan’s so sexy, why not go for Roger Moore as well? Maybe because… NONE of them’s sexy?

9. Hugh Jackman (2008)

So yes, Wolverine is cool, but we’ve already established “cool” doesn’t necessarily mean sexy. Maybe if you’re into… what would the fetish be? Wolves?

10. Bradley Cooper (2011)

He might be funny, he might be a good actor, but in what world could he ever be the SEXIEST man alive? (Or sexy at all, for that matter)

11. Adam Levine (2013)

Ok, sorry, now they’re just letting anyone in. He’s kind of good looking sometimes, I’ll give him that – but it’s just too inconsistent.

“Wow – They Got It Right!” Award – Chris Hemsworth (2014)

FINALLY… A “sexiest man alive” who’s actually sexy. Was it just a fluke? We’ll find out when they pick the guy for 2015.